Ever just feel so...so....hopeless? So full of doubt and strife, so surrounded by suffering, so filled up with sadness and confusion, that a feeling of hopelessness is the only thing you can articulate?
Yeah, that's me right about now. I mean don't get me wrong: I get up every morning, get dressed go to work, laugh A LOT each day, have some good moments working with some severely traumatized youth (so good moments are really really good and far and few between), return home, enjoy my new little house, and repeat. I am enjoying life. But what is going on in this world has me feeling hopeless.
The separation, the lack of understanding, the lack of listening, the deafening silence, the privileged, the underprivileged, white, black, blue, etc., makes me sick.
I think it makes me sick because of where I stand...right in the middle of it all. That's not to say that I don't have beliefs. I very much do. And don't worry, I'll tell you all about that in a second, but the people in my life cover all the ends of the spectrum and every where in between, and all of this push and pull and just straight silence from different people that I care about has me feeling hopeless. There is so much "them" and "us" and not enough "we".
For my black friends, thank you. From the bottom of my heart thank you- for helping me understand white privilege, for being patient with me while you explained to me all about your history, your past, and the injustices that threaten and disable you, for narrating for me what life is like for you- in a country founded by white men for white men, for your forgiveness of my many oversights, and for always pointing out where privilege has played it's role in my life while you just busted your ass. Thank you. Thank you, and I'm sorry that I didn't learn all of this sooner. I'm sorry that I'm still learning. I'm sorry that I have privileges that I seemingly can't escape from because so many are just inherently a part of the skin I'm in.
For my white friends, I ask you to consider a few things:
-When you get pulled over by the police, or walk past a police officer on a street, do you at all feel scared that the police officer himself would harm you?
-Do you ever think that someone would consider you a dangerous/threatening person because of the color of your skin?
-Can you admit that our country was not founded on the premise of liberty for all, but rather just for the white men and women who originally habited it?
-Can you admit that men and women of color have had it extremely hard even since the abolishment of slavery?
-Can you consider how quickly this would all be resolved if all the powerful white men in this country became passionate about the black lives matter movement? I mean really, think about this. Think about all of the powerful, mainly white, mainly men in this country. Think of the control they have over so much of what happens here. Now think about what would happen if they too decided that black lives matter and that black lives are currently under attack...
-Think about the phrase 'silence = violence'. Remember in elementary school when you learned about bullying and you were told that if you are a bystander and do nothing then you are just as guilty as the person/persons that are actually bullying? The same applies here.
One of my very good African American friends keeps saying this: "Black lives matter does not mean that black lives matter ONLY, it means that black lives matter TOO." And I think we can all admit that the history of this country as well as it's present state does not necessarily reflect equality amongst people of different races.
To wrap up I'll say this: On Friday I went to a vigil for all the young men and woman who were killed by the officers who are supposed to protect us and my eyes were opened even wider- to the issue, to the possible answers, but more than anything to my privilege. As much as I tried to relate, tried to feel the pain, tried to be a part of the cry of the black community, my privilege, or shall I say the color of my skin, still only allowed me to go so far. That, my friends, is the issue. The divide is the issue. The ladder, rather than a bridge, is the issue. We need more bridges. We need more powerful white men who care. We need more restoration and peace. We need more people to be heard. And I say 'we', because if one of us is affected, we all are affected, or we all should be affected, so let's act like it and do something.
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